If programming languages were women, who would they be?

Now for some orginal content! If programming languages were women, who would they be? Here are my thoughts:

Assembler

A chick that's both deaf and blind - i.e. communication is hard.

C

Madonna type. You know why? Because both C and Madonna are old, but they still have their thing going!

C++

In her early years she was pretty, but then the hell took over and the chick got fat - really fat!

Python

A shy women that has mostly dated the smart boys. She isn't that popular, but boy is she good in bed. The only problem is that she is tidy as hell and refer to her self a lot of times.

PHP

PHP is a dirty porn actor that knows a lot of tricks, but her life is divided into thousands parts. Mostly new players date this chick and their whole life is affected by this affair.

ASP

Sister of PHP. Is a bitch for a major pimp - - Microsoft.

Perl

In the beginning most men enjoy her company (and some women), but after awhile she gets to complicated and obfuscated - she switches from English to Chinese, because this chick is schizophrenic!

Is known to have a really long affair with Slashdot!

Java

The expensive whore that people in the enterprise pay for.

Ruby

Ruby is a chick that got very popular by getting a Gucci bag. She is new to the game, but could get very popular.

Lisp

Lisp was a really hot chick in the 70's. But sadly this chick has gotten fat and ugly the last many years - and it also seems that this chick is cloned in a lot different fat and ugly versions.